6 Self-Sabotaging Things Narcissists Do

I have been with Narcissistic for past four years Narcissists’ behavior can be counterproductive to their aims and happiness.

A narcissist’s obnoxious behavior can hold them back from success.

Here are some specific ways—and if you recognize any of this behavior in yourself, you can correct it.

1. They disrespect other people’s time.

Narcissists see their own agenda as very important. This can result in disrespecting other people’s time whether it’s sending work emails after hours, excessive DMs, or chewing their co-workers’ ears off about their latest passions, current ideas, travel experiences, or weekend achievements. They’ll typically talk for more than 50% of conversations and will ignore other people’s hints that they need to focus on other things.

In today’s time-crunched world, people tend to react very badly to other people disrespecting their time. It can lead to being ostracized or gossiped about within a group, which in the end works against the narcissist who loses their co-workers’ respect.

2. They burn relationships through outlandish behavior.

Narcissists are often very forceful in the way they get things done. For example, they might get belligerent or just extremely persistent with a customer service rep in order to get what they want. One problem with this is when the individual does it in front of other people who are horrified by the behavior. For example, acting this way in front of your mother in law, who never forgets how embarrassing she found it.

3.  They fail to see when they’re crossing a moral line.

Narcissists are often so wrapped up in their own perspective they may not realize when what they’re proposing crosses other people’s moral line or that what they’re saying is tone deaf. For example, the narcissist is proposing some type of automation that will put people in low skilled jobs out of work. They only see the upside of this and don’t see the human element. Or, what they see as cool, other people see as creepy and an invasion of privacy, but they don’t realize it. The narcissist leader can alienate customers or employees this narcissist see rules as not applying to them or doesn’t expect to experience any significant consequences of breaking rules. For example, perhaps their apartment building doesn’t allow people to Airbnb out their apartments when they’re away, but the narcissist does it anyway.   Eventually they may experience negative consequences of ignoring rules, laws, or social norms.

4.  They fail to listen when other people are attempting to give them helpful feedback.

When narcissists ask for feedback they’re often really just looking for admiration. They devalue others and therefore are dismissive of feedback other people give them, even when it’s potentially helpful. The person they’ve asked for feedback feels disrespected and lowers their opinion of the narcissist.

5.  They put their own (and others’) safety at risk because of their belief in their special abilities.

I’m particularly thinking about driving here. The narcissist may boast about driving over the speed limit without recognizing when other people see this as selfish, irresponsible and anxiety-provoking, particularly if they drive with their children or other family members in the car.

6. They expect other people to help them but don’t return the favor.

The narcissist rarely goes out of their way to help other people, but fully expects others to help them. They see the help they receive as no big deal, even if it required substantial effort from the person who provided it.  Eventually people realize this pattern and become less willing to help, thus hurting the narcissist’s ability to get ahead.

Wrapping Up: Alice Boyes Ph.D.

If you have a narcissist coworker, friend or family member then understanding these patterns can help you not personalize their behavior and recognize the patterns sooner. If you do these behaviors yourself, you can moderate these tendencies for the sake of better relationships, greater success and happiness, and less exposure to potential adverse consequences.

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