Everybody hold’s a story of they own as every year end’s, But few would have normal going. But for me, it was another transformation year where I was turning into thirty-five, so it was high time for me to learn my lesson and find my inner peace and change myself as a lucky loner to go with it happily So love the silence around me which gives a lot of answers. I realized many people don’t give time to listen and ask the question WHAT and WHY this person is behaving like this?? I am sure No one does it. For all most critical part is money which makes them more secure; which they dump another person. But now I firmly believe people are so POOR that all they have is money but could not fix problems in the life buy peace or want to do what they feel or express.
As 2017, started for me it was utterly reasonable; Nothing was going good or bad. But I was trying to get out of the place and trying PR trying to run out of my country. But it was not working. But at the year beginning, I decided to take my blog seriously and to get my hands on Photographer.
I was looking into this two aspect of life; Finally, I got my blog into the business before it was personal not on the market, But I got up with WordPress and started working seriously with it. Even thou I did not have much vast knowledge about how it works?? finally with many failures Now I am stable with my Blog writing which gave me a feeling I can write and get many stories in the name of “Collection.”
Meanwhile, I got serious about photography where I fell in love with it!! Got into a professional course for holding a certificate on it, but this I was degraded for my work on all aspect never appreciated for whatever I did in my life so far, fortunately, criticized no matter what effort put for other or I decided to do for myself. But photography course gave me respect and appreciation for having good vision, and it allowed me to work hard which increased happy dopamine within me.
Another side of my personal life things was getting messy as usual. But I was trying hard to get things straight in life. I could not clear my exams which were required for me running out of this place. But unfortunately, with negative guidance, I failed each time, and in this process, I lost most of the saving; I found myself useless and gave up. But the time my depression anxiety was at the highest peak. Where I utterly lost; instead my close ones understanding what I want “SOME TIME TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND TO LISTEN” I critical begging “TIME” with closed ones but they started throwing up things over me with BUSY TAG. Unfortunately, I could not mingle with all and start talk suddenly; For me, it takes time and understanding to move with a person. None stayed.
Things started when one of my friends said, Money was essential, and never he can help me with money, which I did not ask for he knew very well was not materialistic women. But that time I was mad over my depression and getting into more in-depth into the pain. I lost utterly; I wanted to quit the job and run away somewhere never looking back again. But my friends avoided me; They failed me to understand why I was doing like this; WHY??
My best friends avoided me stating: One of her told I was giving her negative vibes and she did not live current me “The women who got stronger and bold with loud voice and questioning the system rules” so stopped talking to me; The place I fell;
Next friend told I was arrogant and always fighting mode; So he gave up; Another friend stopped talking to me stating she has issues in her team; she was an only female friend in my office to speak or share, But I saw she was very reasonable with others; I did not understand WHY?? It was me ?? I was seeing them having normal life talking to others, and It was so typical for them, But could not realize what the impact was was happening inside my head. All I got was a Silent treatment which broke me inside with hell lot of pain.
Meanwhile, I learned that my Dr had breast cancer; She was the only person with whom I had full privilege talking to my heart; As she was going with the treatment and went on leave for six months. I was in tears when she told about her cancer; For her, I am just another patient; But for me, she was my life-saving angel;
From inside I was feeling a dead soul and pretending to be ok; I could not do anything. One day I got the privilege to spend some time with my son while attending my cousin’s wedding which went wrong which got my son in tears and led me also into the same when his father made him cry for staying with me. For me my son’s freedom of choice was more important rather than mine; I gave him up; till the day I am scared to talk if I could spoil his mental health; As I was suffering from my psychological breakdown.
But I was growing up as I was thinking about; WHY I WAS NOT IMPORTANT TO ANYBODY?? AS THEY GIVE IMPORTANT TO THEIR FAMILY WHAT WAS AM I?? AN OPTIONAL OBJECT ONLY WHEN REQUIRED?? Everyday question running into my head and making to think about inner peace, and I became very clear with things All I wanted was Naked truth; I stopped going out; Working on mine blogging and photography very soon I lost my interest in my office work;
Meanwhile, I was traveling to Sikkim; Where I realized that only “Nature” could heal me; I was getting into my inner peace. By this time I was moved with total introvert; Did not prefer to go out rather than staying at home.
Finally, I got my breaking point; where I could not handle anymore as this was a question about my soul; I was passed out, And I have broken into chunk pieces of glass. That was the time when I said Its enough if pain and suffering. I decided to bounce back, which was too much for soul and me inside me. I stood and raised so up even thou it was known to be wrong; But for me the only answer I wanted to know “WHY ME.” To get the answer WHY I raised the complaint.
Another side my best friends who became silence with me stating was negative vibes, and another girl justed avoided me did not realize what they did to my soul; The relationship never went straight again; We got up into long distance silence now.
Last month of the year, Things was getting into place. I traveled to Goa my favorite place; Those people showed me unconditional love which I was longing for; Now by the end of this year; I came to be a total introvert and just love to get along with few people. As my school friends never gave up on me. They stood as a pillar; where I can see them worried about my life and I love spending time with them. And finally now I reached my inner peace, and I love my work and working on my Goal. And discard all negative vibes people in my life.
HARD BUT TRUE; DON’T ALLOW ANYONE INSIDE YOU WITH LIES AND FAKE PROMISES NOT MATTER HOW HARD IT IS; LIFE GOES ON WITH OR WITHOUT ME; JUST STAY SILENCE AND CALM MIND.
Thanks, 2017 teaching my life lesson; I am happy I was able to love this life and showed me the path which can give me peace.