HAPPY NEW YEAR–2017
2016 hold the strong grip of my life!! I didn’t think any other year had a blowing transformation, the way it had such massive impact in my life!! I did not know in 1992 when my parents passed away!! 2008 kicked out of the house!!2012 my son left me to live with his father!!2014 deepest heartbreak up!! Did not change a bit, I became a sober in mean time, Trying to figure out what the hell this life is going to do with me or what I am supposed to live and what is the reason I feel a storm inside my mind every day, It was getting too tough to live and stand for everyday job for my survival.
This year 2016 started in normal bases, Got into the casual relationship which I could not tell people with the type of society I was living in, slowly this guy turned out to be very negative about me personally and professionally !! Which was going up and down??
I felt alone since he could not find time for me and every time it was No for the answer, Where I was turning into same girl waiting for him long hours to catch up a talk or wait for his YES for a movie and finally use to miss the movie, He use to make me wait for hours and on another side I was trying hard to make him understand the only thing I wanted was his attention and little bit of time.
He started developing distance with me due to his professional issues which turned to show the effect on his health, later one day he told me, he is living this place where we were working today and going to his hometown for work. He already made his mind and decided to leave. I came to know him when the process was already going on. I was completely broke again did not know how the hell I am going to handle this, Meanwhile, I was thinking to get out of my country but could not do due to people I loved were here …
I gave a thought on it and jumped into a consultancy paid fees and started my workshop with them for Canada since I was from IT background I was looking for the same job. The Same day I called them and informed I am going with your consultancy for Immigration process!!
I was trying to get the answer what I am really doing in my life what I want? I did not know, my bf was asking me to join the French classes and started it, I like the classes since I found new people new language new culture I was struggling in my personal life but I loved my class it was new people everything new!!
Meanwhile, I came to know that my old boyfriend dumped me with lies for 2 years whom I was very seriously involved lied with the Brain tumor just left one day blank!! I thought I am going to teach him a lesson for the lie and coward work the way he ruined my life so deeply and mentally. I did not know how I can do, but I was very determined to show if a person can love too much is not weakness and can stand up!! .. When I stood it was the storm in his life and he came begging one day “I AM SORRY “I took for him, giving.But I was not the same person and scars did not heal and won’t!!
Another end I was getting drown by my own sister, I got her married with ravishing money and she was going through divorce process I stood on her side no matter what it was, But I wanted to hold her settlement money for my Immigration process !! But that time she fell for a guy whom still I believe to be a psychopath. She wanted the money and I ended with some amount to clear only my credit loan!!he had completely taken control over her!! Even she dumped me stating money minded!! I was completely broke from all the sides!!
Going to my Dr. Vijaya Savithri, She was the only person in my life whom I could be open without lies or pretend. She was only doing her duty!! But that meant me a lot of love and support she gave while listening to my story apart from medication.
Everyone in my life wanted someone else inside me to be which was getting tough for me to act!! I got to see my son in my cousin’s wedding after 3 years but didn’t understand what is emotional should I feel and most scaring part for me was that, I was trying for immigration and I can’t make him closer or play with his emotions!! What everyone wants me to be the better mother as per society status!! But for me it was more important he has one kind up mindset not to mess up with his mind confused. Which is not good for child growth mentally I did not want my son to have another breakdown!! I choose to be worst MOTHER tag!! Rather for doing things for others, WHICH I DID FROM MY CHILDHOOD, I was thought doing things for other is really happiness, but no one told me not cost of self-happiness. I distance from him no matter what people think or talk or forced me to talk.
After all these fucking things, I use to read a lot and made wondering what I really want from my life even if I get into immigration process I would get an IT job with same Technology in a room. Or married again have babies serve the guy working at home and office, seeing my friends life which became so hectic after marriage and kids and it looked same life the society have predicted marry again and again with broken soul!! SEARCH LOVE IN SOMEONE ELSE which never I was able to find.
One of my Best friends told me “YOUR BAD IN RELATIONSHIPS HOLD BACK” I realized she was so correct each time I was hurting myself more and more expecting love from others
But people never got bold enough to know a strong person from out and simply lovable girl, not into any material stuff mattered, it was too touch to touch a soul than body!! She below was a turning point of 2016, she happened to be my guide and gave a correct hit what I really wanted to get.
NO ONE GOT THAT OR UNDERSTOOD IT!!
Then while thinking and watching movies, pictures and reading about travel blog!! I decided traveling is the only way to reach the soul and love myself and make good memories what I will hold while dying.
These all things in my life this past year 2016 changed me to be what I want freedom knowing stranger people just meet and move on, So entire years thought me at the age of 33.
TRAVEL FOR YOUR HAPPINESS!! I STARTED WITH GOA, AND I AM NOT GOING TO STOP THIS MADNESS which I found within myself and I think this is called INNER-PEACE for me.
Now I only think about traveling and the possible ways I can achieve it!! And even realized few Buddha Principles are particle and truth of our LIFE